Looking for a last-minute costume idea for Halloween this weekend? I suggest you avoid the public humiliation of any of these sports figures and just toss a damn sheet over your body and say you’re a ghost, because, as we’ve seen in sports before, this past year has given us instances of guys really fucking up.
5. Jameis Winston
Normally, going as the reigning Heisman Trophy winner wouldn’t be a big deal at all.
Then again, last year’s winner, Jameis Winston, hasn’t exactly been a solid citizen since being awarded the stiff-arming statue.
Though he was never actually charged for allegedly sexually assaulting a fellow Florida State student last year, he still has the perception—fair or not—of a dude who may or may not have done something illegal, meaning, one would think, that he would slow the fuck down a little bit.
Instead, Winston thought that standing on a table in the FSU Student Center and yelling, “Fuck her right in the pussy!” in front of hundreds of coeds was his way of proving his complete innocence.
Oh yeah, and that happened after he was busted for stealing crab legs from a grocery store this past spring, and, unsurprisingly, is currently involved in more off-the-field stuff thanks to, allegedly, signing pieces of memorabilia for pay—which is a no-no according to the NCAA.
I don’t want to predict his future, but would anyone be surprised if he’s a total bust once he gets to the NFL?
4. War Machine or Jason “Mayhem” Miller
Going as an old school wrestler like Hulk Hogan or Randy Savage? Totally acceptable.
But going as the absolutely insane, former MMA fighter named War Machine or Jason “Mayhem” Miller? Not cool at all.
While getting thrown into jail in multiple states might slow a guy down from doing dumb shit, these two jackasses didn’t seem to learn their lesson.
War Machine got kicked out of the UFC and adult film biz for being, well, a complete meathead, allegedlybeating the living hell out of his former, pornstar girlfriend, Christy Mack.
Mayhem was arrested in 2013 for various domestic violence charges, and, in 2014 after it was reported that he kicked, choked and peed on his alleged victim, was involved in an hour-long, Twitter standoffwith cops outside of his house.
If you’re crazy enough to go as either of these two, you should probably get yourself checked out.
3. Aaron Hernandez
This one might be a little bit dated seeing how former New England Patriots tight end Aaron Hernandez has been going through some serious legal problems since the middle of 2013, but if people can still dress up as Ghost Face from the movie Scream, some asshole will think donning a No. 81 Hernandez Pats jersey will be acceptable, too.
Just like taking a dump at the crowded bar you’ll be at all weekend, though, don’t do it, Bros.
Hernandez is, based off of his alleged activity, the scariest man in the history of sports, being linked to the murder of three people who spilled a drink and, in a separate incident, invited a “friend” for a car ride and straight up went all Psycho on him.
It might just be the scariest costume of anyone’s in attendance, but it’s also the worst idea, too.
2. Donald Sterling
First off, I don’t even know why anyone would want to be exiled Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling for Halloween to begin with?
Sure, the guy had billions of dollars and a playboy lifestyle—how else can one explain how he landed a chick half his age while he was married—but that only proved that the dude was the definition of a sleazeball.
On top of single-handedly deflating the Clippers franchise by being cheap for the entire 33 years he owned the team, the final straw came this past May, when a recording was released of his old ass saying, well, old ass racist shit.
If you’re looking for a droopy-faced costume, go with Frankenstein rather than Donald Sterling.
1. Ray Rice
For those who didn’t get the message from the dickbag who actually already got dressed up as the former Baltimore Ravens running back, here’s a little reminder—don’t do it.
Although Rice is still going to get a chance to go through the due process of a domestic violence trial, there’s video evidence of the former All-Pro running back sucker punching his now wife in a hotel elevator this past spring.
So if you’re looking to be the biggest asshole in town by wearing a Ray Rice Ravens jersey, you should expect a few sucker punches to your head, too.
0 comments: